Back to the drawing board...

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday for my consultation. It was determined that I will not be needing surgery anytime soon. He measured my curves at 20 degrees, 41 degrees, and 44 degrees (from top to bottom). The great news is that this is very similar to the degree of curvature that was measured three years ago! That means my curves are not progressing rapidly. Apparently, the increased amount of pain that I have been having is just muscle spasms from a mixture carrying my laptop everyday and the cold weather here in North Dakota. Normally, this would be the time when I complain about how doctors only waste my time, but I don't feel that way this time. This doctor actually made me feel better. He was able to back up his decision with research and was willing to answer any questions that I may have. It also made me feel better hearing that I don't need surgery from someone who does spinal fusions all the time. So what's the verdict? He prescribed Pilates. He told me that staying healthy and strengthening my core muscles will help support my spine and alleviate my pain. So I guess I should start taking care of myself. Now I have to find someone around here who actually knows what they are talking about when it comes to Pilates because if I am going to do this, I am going to do it right. I need someone to actually show me how to do the exercises the correct way, rather than screwing myself up by trying to learn on my own from a video.

Am I happy with the results? I don't know. I have mixed feelings. Yes, I'm happy that I won't have to go through another life altering surgery. Yes, I'm happy that I won't be immobile for the Summer. But I was kind of looking forward to having a straight spine. I was looking forward to having good posture. I guess I can still have good posture, I just have to work at it and build my muscles up so there is something there to support my spine.

Now I am off to find time to fit Pilates into my daily routine. When do I start? I leave in 4 days to go back to Ohio for the month (for the holidays). I return to North Dakota on January 5 and Spring Semester begins on January 10th. I want to start this change now, but there is too much going on in the next few weeks. I am afraid that if I don't start now, I never will. I suppose I kind of have to though, I mean, this is my life and happiness that I am talking about here, right?

Maybe (this is wishful thinking but...) I will find a great Pilates instructor and I will learn how to do what I need to do to ease my pain so I don't have to think about the scoliosis. Then, later on in life, when the curves would have progressed to the point that they decide surgery is necessary, maybe at that time there will be something else. Maybe research will have found an alternative "cure" for scoliosis. Maybe...

Burr!!

Well, I went home (to Ohio) for Thanksgiving last weekend. It was very nice to see my family. It had been a while since I had been home. During the return trip on Sunday the weather turned horrid. It took us an hour an a half to go 20 miles! Not to mention during those 20 miles we saw at least ten cars off the road. So here I am, snowed into my apartment. I took my dog out this morning and the snow was so deep that she couldn't even walk through it. She is a small dog (10 lbs), but regardless, I am stuck here because it is dangerous to be out and about.

I go to the doctor next week. I am a bit anxious just to hear what he has to say. I think I have already talked myself into getting surgery. I have prepared myself for the gigantic scar going down my back. I am prepared to be out of service for a few months. I just want to know for sure that it is going to happen so I can finish planning the next few years of my life.

There is nothing worse than waiting. Especially if you have an imagination like mine. I can't help by wonder what it is going to be like, weighing the good and the bad. I imagine myself 15 years from now without the surgery and what I see isn't good.

But, in the mean time, I will sit here, paitently waiting to go to the doctor. Then when I see the doctor, I will wait paitently for whatever the next step may be. One thing is for sure though, here in frosty North Dakota, I will be trying my hardest to stay warm!

Let's get this party started

As Maria says in The Sound of Music, "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start". Well the beginning was in seventh grade when I found out that I had scoliosis. I was humiliated. All I wanted was to be normal, but now I had this "thing" plaguing my prefect world. At that time my doctor decided it was not bad enough for surgery and my parents opted not to go with the bracing option.

It was in eighth grade when the muscle spasms started. I was not active in sports, but I did dance (Ballet). After dance class my back would be sore, but I did not think much about it. Well, one day during gym class (which I despised) my back went into full out spasm. The left side of my lower back had doubled in size. When I went to see my family doctor he told me that it was due to my scoliosis and he sent me to an orthopedic surgeon. That was the first time I saw X-Rays of my spine. It sent me into complete hysteria. I couldn't believe how bad it looked. At that time my largest curve was at 40 degrees. The doctor took X-Rays of all of my "growth plate" areas and determined I was finished growing and the curves would not progress.

Scoliosis became my nemesis. Once I was in high school I acted as though nothing differed me from those with a straight spine. I honestly don't know why this was so embarrassing for me. Physically, my appearance was not compromised at all by this condition. My back was perfectly straight to an untrained eye. But for some reason I could not admit to anyone that I had a crooked spine. I wanted so badly for the world to think that I was perfect or at least normal that nothing could get in my way of appearing that way.

When I was 16 years old I was in a car accident that changed my life and outlook on it. While in the back (bed) of a pick-up truck going 90 miles an hour, the truck flipped and I nearly lost my life. I lost over half of my blood, broke my left leg in four spots, and had severely bruised my lungs. The doctors told me that they were "pretty sure" they could save my leg, but that I would most likely not be able to walk the same again. After ten days in ICU, 4 surgeries, and many blood transfusions, I was moved to a normal hospital room and prepared for discharge.

A bone and skin graft were taken from my left hip. My leg has a titanium rod from knee to ankle with two pins at the knee. With time my lungs healed and even more time (and lots of physical therapy) my leg is doing pretty darn good (considering the alternative).

Needless to say, at the time of my accident and the next few years to follow, my scoliosis was the last thing on my mind. The utmost important thing then was to let my body heal. Well, once everything else started to heal, other parts started to hurt. My sophomore year of college is when my back started to give me trouble again. I was seeing an orthopedic surgeon for my right knee (for what I assume is arthritis from over-use from breaking my left leg). I told him my back has been hurting more and more and asked if possibly my scoliosis could be causing the pain in my knee. He said it is possible and referred me to a spine specialist in the area.

Well, that doctor trip was a complete waste of my time. He took X-Rays and told me there is nothing I can do. The curves of my spine had progressed 7 degrees since the last time I had them measured. He told me the only option was surgery and since I am not "disfigured" from the scoliosis, it was not really an option. He told me I should consider surgery when my curves reach 55 degrees and not until AFTER I am done having children. Mind you, I was 20 years old and was no where near starting a family.

It was my opinion that all these doctors do is waste my time. Okay, so I've got a crooked spine and there is nothing anyone can do for me, so why waste my time and money on having a "specialist" tell me that? I went the rest of my undergraduate career without wasting my time or money on the specialist mumbo-jumbo.

Presently, three years later, I have been having horrible back spasms. I frequently loose feeling in my legs, and can not sleep comfortably at night. I realize that I am an orthopedic mess, but I am 23 years old, I shouldn't have to live in what feels like a 70 year old body. It's just not fair.

Yah, yah, life's not fair, trust me, I know, but does it have to be this unfair? It shouldn't be. I gave in and have made an appointment with another specialist. This one is a real specialist, a surgery specialist. I am scared because I don't know if I am ready to go through all the surgery stuff again, but I don't want to have to deal with this pain anymore and I fear it will only get worse.

I have come a long way since my secretive scoliosis self. I guess you could say I am coming out of the closet. Hey world, look at me. I'm not perfect, I never was, and never will be. I have a crooked spine!

C'est moi!